A small disclaimer before I begin: This blog contains 0% facts. Well maybe 1% facts since the Equal Pay Directive is real (and very important and good). The rest is just nonsense and sausage weaving. It's also important to mention that this is straight out of yours truly's imagination and boredom.
Why am I writing this blog?
In our office, we have to walk a short distance to get to the other office, also known as the toilet. Every now and then when I go there, I find that the boss walks behind me with quick steps, and just today it happened again. I quickly realized that we need a "Creepy Boss" directive, on the occasion of these "new EU directive days" we're in. So I sat down and started writing. So here it is. These are my five suggestions for new EU directives.
1. The Creepy Boss Directive
I barely mentioned it in the introduction, so let's start with this one. You might have a boss who is behaving a little questionably. Maybe they stare at you for an extra long time, or in my case, a boss who follows you to the toilet. With the Creepy Boss Directive, you have the legal right to tell your boss that they're a creepy and disgusting asshole without suffering any consequences. The goal, of course, is for bosses who are unaware of their own creepiness to become aware of it.
2. When a colleague becomes a bit too much directive
You can't get along with everyone. There will always be certain people you are a little more reserved towards than others. People who suck all the energy out of you or just plain ooze bad vibes. Enter the When a colleague gets a bit too much directive. This EU directive gives you the option to cover your ears with noise-canceling headphones in the middle of a conversation, or put up a partition when the judgmental colleague gets a bit too much.
3. This meeting could have been an email directive
You've probably been through this. A meeting you know you don't need to be in, but you're still stuck in. Well, I have the solution you need: This meeting could be an email directive. This EU directive allows you to stand up in the middle of the meeting and say: "No, I can't be bothered. This meeting could be an email." Then you're relieved of the responsibility of sitting in the meeting, and you can sit back and wait for the meeting topic to drop into your inbox.
4. The merch directive
Let's be honest. There's a lot of terrible corporate merch out there. T-shirts that are ugly as hell but that your boss forces you to wear on various occasions. You feel nauseous just thinking about it, yet it's your destiny to pull this ugly piece of cloth over your body. Let me introduce you to the Merch Directive. Here you are given complete freedom to say what you think about it such as: "My four-year-old son could make something nicer than this, and the most beautiful thing he knows of is The Teletubbies."
5. You're allowed to speak up if your colleague is becoming a LinkedInfluencer directive
Last, but by no means least, I would like to present this EU directive. Because what could be worse than LinkedInfluencers? Apart from dictators and terrorists, I can't think of much. I don't want to incite violence, but if you notice a colleague trying to become a LinkedInfluencer, this directive allows you to give the colleague a soft slap delivered with a message to "get it together", without any legal consequences. And now I thought of one more thing that's worse than a LinkedInfluencer: A LinkedInfluencer sitting next to you in the office.
Now my little rant is over
This is what I would do if I were a politician, so if anyone working in the EU or the Norwegian government reads this blog post, please take it to the highest level. Ursula von der Leyen, do you hear me? Let's fix working life and the world. You probably have my number if you want to discuss the way forward.
No, I'm just joking around. Don't listen to anything I say.
